HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i came on her dog
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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