There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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