we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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