I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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