haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's Friday. Sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
