Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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