You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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