So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
