a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
