sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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