he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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