I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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