i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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