I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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