So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
