sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
