Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize