I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
