No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
