wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I would ride that face into the sunset
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
