oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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