a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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