I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
