Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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