honey bunches of taint.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
