Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
