I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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