"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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