you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize