Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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