I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
