I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
