He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
