If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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