Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize