yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
