meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
