This is not my ceiling
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
