He asked to "fluff my boner.."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
