I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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