Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
