I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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