this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
