she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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