Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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