I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
