Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
