I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
