I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
