I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sobbing to NWA
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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