so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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