There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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