Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
