What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My pussy is not your playground.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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