At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
