i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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