wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
