how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will be naked everywhere
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
