Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This house was built for laser tag.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
