I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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