He uses pillows to masturbate.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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