Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
