I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
